Apr 26, 2015

It's time

So here we are. Almost 41 weeks pregnant. As excited as Ben and I have been about this journey I don't know that either of us pictured getting this far!

I am being induced tonight/into tomorrow - my doctors won't let me go past 41 weeks because of health risks and while being induced wouldn't have been my first choice as to how to have this baby, we trust our doctors and each other, and that's how it's happening.

Being overdue can be really, really, frustrating and emotional. People check in which is sweet, but also a little stifling when you spend your day uttering the phrases, yes I'm still pregnant, no I haven't had the baby yet, over and over again. People say things they think are funny, except they're not (I've only heard that joke from ten other people in the past hour), and suggest "try spicy food," or "go walk," because they've heard those things help. (Again, that might be true but I'm almost 41 weeks pregnant - we've tried everything and obviously it's not doing a lot of good).

The other day I was thinking about how I have such a flexible birth plan (as in, my plan is to roll with it), but being induced was never a part of that. Then I laughed because when has anything Ben and I have tried to plan for starting a family gone the way we hoped. I mean...really!

But...it's time. In the next day or so, we will be meeting our son. And yes, I may have just cried a little typing that.

I'm nervous for the unknown of labor, and the potential pain that's headed my way, but I know it's a means to an end and I want that ending - that healthy baby boy - so badly, and I'm a warrior - I can do this.

I will do a quick post once Lemon is here, but I wanted to take a minute to say thank you. Some of you have been reading this blog for a few weeks, and others have been here since the beginning - either way, thank you.

The journey has been almost five years in the making, and you all have been the most incredible cheerleaders. 

Thank you for your comments, your emails, and all the love and encouragement you've sent our way in various forms. This next part (motherhood - woah!) I know will be challenging, but there have been so many times I never thought we'd get here.

But we're here.

It's finally time.

Apr 22, 2015

You are not alone

It's National Infertility Awareness Week! Last year I brought you interviews of some incredible women I've met (either through blogging or in person) who struggle with infertility.

This year's theme is "you are not alone," and it couldn't be more fitting.

Infertility is the most isolating thing I've ever dealt with.

There are women who dream of being a mom from the time they are little girls - I wasn't one of them. I love kids, but I wanted to spend time with my husband first, and let the kids come later, so we could have a good foundation for them - I knew children would be awesome, but challenging. I never thought that would start with getting pregnant.

You start "trying" to get pregnant and you let yourself dream of ways you'll announce the news to your families - even after a few months of nothing happening you don't get discouraged because it's such a "natural" thing. The word natural is a word that starts to taunt you; once you realize there's something wrong and you work up the nerve to see a specialist, you start to notice all the pregnant women and babies around you - and wonder why you couldn't just get pregnant naturally. You start wondering if all your talk of wanting to wait is now coming back as some kind of punishment, or if there's something unnatural about you.

Then comes the testing, and the decisions about how to proceed, and on top of all of that, the financial aspect, which is the #1 barrier to people being able to start a family.

Then, THEN, when you're finally ready to let go of the idea of having a baby naturally, and embrace medicine and procedures, you enter a whole new world of doubt and fear. There's medicine and shots, chances of over stimulation, monitoring appointments, blood draws, and the infamous "two-week wait," which feels like it takes years. All of this to hear it didn't work, or you're pregnant but your numbers aren't where they should be, and you find yourself headed in for a d&c - yet another procedure you never thought you'd experience.

You cry, you scream, and you lose hope more times than you can count. You listen to people tell you to relax, it will "just happen," and you want to punch them in the face. You feel lost, and confused, and like you're the only person who has ever had to deal with this.

But you are not alone.

Infertility affects 1 in 8 couples, which means someone you know (maybe even in your closest group of friends) is suffering from this disease as well.

Don't let yourself suffer in silence. Find a support group - either in person, or online. You'll be amazed at how validating it is to sit with others who get it. Advocate for your infertility rights, and then let yourself be lifted up as you walk with a community.

Without Resolve, I truly would be lost. As much as there is being done, there are still so many who don't recognize infertility as a disease - if you'd like to help change that find out more about what you can do here.

I promise, you are not alone.

Apr 20, 2015

40 weeks

How far along: 40 weeks - full term, nine months, AKA super pregnant.

How big is baby: Lemon is now the size of a small pumpkin!

Anxious about: Um, pushing out a small pumpkin? Seriously kid, let's get this show on the road. (And um, could you not have your Dad's shoulders until you're out of the womb? I'd realllly appreciate it!)

Anticipating: Having our boy here. We are so ready!

Diets/cravings/aversions: Craving fruits and veggies, and the new frozen Snapple lemonades from Taco Bell. SO weird, right? But mmm, so good!

Movement: Still so fun! I've been working from home this past week which means I can sit on my pilates ball (so much more comfortable for my back), and I'm constantly moving which means he doesn't move quite as much as he does when I'm sitting in my desk chair. However, when I stop, he starts kicking like "um, excuse me? What do you think you're doing?"

The belly: Big and awkward and just hilariously ridiculous at this point. And because it's fun, a little side by side of my first bi-weekly post - 16 weeks (the size of an avocado), versus 40 (the size of a small pumpkin). Woah!
Miscellaneous: Last week at my appointment I was 70% effaced and 1 cm dilated, and let me tell you, it was a total attitude changer from the week before. This past week whenever my back has been hurting I'm like "okay, keep it up because I know this means you're doing things!" I was hoping to not keep my appointment this morning (because I'd be busy having a baby), but it's with one of my favorite doctors and as long as I'm further along than I was last week, all will be well. They will induce me a week from today (41 weeks), if Lemon hasn't made his appearance by then and I would really like to avoid that, so fingers crossed I'm sharing some "Lemon is here" news with you any day now.

Things that made me laugh/cry: Hearing my progress at the doctor's office last week. I've been betrayed by my infertile body for years, and I was at the point where if there wasn't any progress being made I was worried that meant my body really couldn't do this. When the doctor told me 70% effaced and 1 cm dilated I actually cried out, "I'm so excited!"

Best moment of the week: Finally believing my body can do this. I go back and forth because one minute I can't imagine being pregnant for another week - I'm tired and exhausted and at times get really anxious because I feel like it's a trick and we're not really going to get a baby at the end of this.

However, on some level I think I needed this full 40 weeks to trust that my body for the most part has done a great job housing this little one. On the way out of our appointment last week (flying high on the dilated/effaced news), Ben said, "you're doing such a great job growing him babe." It made me tear up, because while he's said things like that to me before I think this was the first time I truly believed him.

I thought back to all the negative pregnancy tests, all the shots, the doctor's visits, the ultrasounds, finding out I was pregnant with Cece, learning her heartbeat was slow, and then hearing it had stopped altogether. I thought back to all the onesies and books and gifts I've bought for others as they celebrate new life - I can still remember the gut-wrenching desperation, wondering if it would ever be me.

I thought back over the past nine months - a lot of which have been filled with anxiety, and I finally, finally, felt a sense of peace.

Yesterday was the start of this year's National Infertility Awareness Week, and again, as much as I'd already like to be holding our son in my arms, the beauty of our rainbow baby being due during this week is not lost on me.

My body is doing this.

It is really happening.

We are having a baby.

Apr 14, 2015

Granting Grace (part two)

Last time I talked about granting grace it was about learning to cut myself some slack and acknowledge that no matter how badly I wanted it, pregnancy can be hard.

But there's a bigger grace I've been granted throughout this pregnancy - the love and well wishes of my fellow infertility warriors. 

I've made a voice for myself in the infertility community - mostly through the help of Resolve - and I have met so many incredible men and women battling this same disease. Everyone is at different stages, but there's a bond there, an understanding that you don't have to explain, and as much as infertility can be hell, I am grateful for the people I've met because of it.

When I first found out I was pregnant, I wasn't sure what to think - and my first thought was how am I going to tell all my friends in the infertility community? Of course this is what everyone is working towards (in one way or another), but having been on the other side I know how hard it can be to hear someone else is pregnant, when it's still not you. I know what it feels like to be excited for someone, yet still heartbroken for yourself, and that it can be hard to separate those feelings.  I know what it's like to hide a friend in a facebook feed or unfollow them on instagram because you're not sure you can take the "bump" updates.

I decided to approach it the way I would want to hear - individually, through an email, text, or facebook message - that way there's no pressure for the other person to immediate react or respond. I shared with all my fellow warriors a few weeks before Ben and I shared the news with social media. I let each person know that I didn't want them to be blindsided by an announcement and that I completely understood if this was hard to read, and to not even feel like they had to respond, I just wanted them to know.

There was so much love and joy poured back to me in each of those messages - I was blown away.

I've talked about a lot of aspects of pregnancy - there are times when I've gotten a little whiny, or frustrated, yet I've received nothing but support from women who are suffering from losses, or painful procedures, and I am absolutely and completely humbled.

The thoughts and experiences brought on by infertility don't just go away, and that's something I hope I've conveyed throughout this experience. There are times I've tried to be sensitive and times I know I've failed. But I'm not going to stop advocating for better coverage and rights for infertility treatments, or stop trying to raise awareness about the disease and the organization that educates people about it.

But to be shown so much love and support by so many who have been there or are still there? It brings me to tears. Even as I'm writing this I know I'm not doing this justice so I'll end it with this:

To my fellow infertility warriors - thank you for your kindness, your love, and your support as Ben and I get ready to enter this next phase of our lives. Thank you for cheering us on and for being there for us - I can't wait to return the favor. Sending you so much light and love. xoxo.

Apr 13, 2015

39 weeks

How far along: 39 weeks

How big is baby: He is now officially the size of a mini-watermelon. Holy. Crap.

Anxious about: Being at work. Last week I started working from home Mondays and Fridays - knowing I only have to physically be in the office three days a week has done wonders for my mental exhaustion - but at this point I'm 39 weeks, I'm ready to have this baby, and I hate the feeling of being "watched," because everyone's waiting for me to go into labor. Plus, I am over all the comments from strangers who think they're being funny. The snark has definitely come out, and I no longer apologize for it.

I had an epiphany yesterday though - for as much as I want to have Lemon and am ready for the next step, I think the bigger issue is I'm BORED. Books don't hold my attention, I don't want to start anything new to knit because I won't have the patience for a pattern, my house is beyond "nested" (let's be real - I made a three-page to-do list months ago, and that's done), we are as ready as we're going to be, and I feel like I have nothing left to do!

Anticipating: Having Lemon! The next part! People say "get sleep now, because soon that will change." Well I'm not really sleeping now so he might as well be here - at least then I have a cute, snuggly, reason to be so tired!

Diets/cravings/aversions: Luckily enough, still not too much I have to avoid. Loving the fruits and veggies, but equally loving candy - ha!

Movement: Oh my gosh with the movement! The other night he was kicking and moving so much I swear it was a dance party! Ben kept looking at my stomach and saying, "oh my gosh, what are you doing?" It was almost to the point of being uncomfortable, but I just kept laughing, because I remember for so long I was worried I would never feel movement, and now there was so much of it!

The belly: Ohh, the belly. Growing, growing, every day. I have definitely dropped since last week, and Lemon is getting heavier every day!

Miscellaneous: I had a decent amount of back pain this weekend, but it's been dull aches and soreness, nothing that comes and goes (which in my mind is more contraction-like). I don't know if that will mean anything at my appointment today (I don't want to get my hopes up like last week - see below). I'm prepared for a lot of my labor to be in my back, I just wish I had something definitive where I could say, "oh yes, THIS is the start of labor," or "ah, I know what's happening now." It's crazy how different it is for each woman!

Things that made me laugh/cry: Last Monday was a bad day. I have my doctor's appointments on Monday mornings, but I was in tears before we even left the house because I was exhausted and uncomfortable and really needed to be done. I'd had some back pain that faded the Saturday before so I was really hoping to hear that I was a teeny bit dilated or effaced (or something!) when we went to the doctor, but I wasn't at all. Then we come home and there was a leak in our downstairs bathroom ceiling. I may or may not have spent the majority of the day in tears.

Best moment of the week: The next day I gave myself a little pep talk. I told myself this is like the "two-week wait" we had to endure after each of our IUIs. (The two weeks after the procedure itself, but before you can have blood drawn to see if you're pregnant). However, there will be a baby at the end of this two weeks (instead of just a maybe positive test), and I'm not having to take progesterone during this time - I can do this! Right now I'm taking it day by day but I'm pretty proud of myself for being able to put everything in perspective.

Also, we talked to our niece this weekend and while the whole conversation was hilarious, one of the things we were told was, "when the baby is kicking really hard it's probably because he's dancing like you do in the car." Oh my gosh, we could not stop laughing!

Apr 8, 2015

Because it doesn't go away

Ben and me at last year's Walk of Hope
We are officially less than two months away from this year's DC Walk of Hope! After the arrival of Lemon, this is what I'm looking forward to the most in the next few months!

I've talked about how incredible the experience was last year, and how pumped I am to be Co-Chairing the Walk this year, but I don't feel like I'm doing this Walk justice.

When I sit and think about how Resolve has helped me, I am brought to tears.

Infertility cuts at the very core of you - you watch dreams dissolve in doctor's offices, and have your heart shattered by results of a blood draw. You try to persevere, but as you're betrayed by your body over and over again, and you watch others attain so effortlessly what you long for so much, you wonder if what you wish for will ever come true.

I've advocated, and I've walked, and I've learned how to turn a disease into a cause. I've had people tell me, "oh I referred a friend to your blog because she's dealing with PCOS/infertility/miscarriage and I told her she'd be able to relate to your posts." Hearing that makes my heart soar - because no one dealing with infertility walks alone.

Through Resolve I've found my voice. I truly believe I wouldn't be who I am today without them.

This year's Walk will be different for Ben and me; last year, we were mourning our daughter, this year we will be introducing our son. But there are so many warriors that are still in the midst of their battle, and this is why I'm showing up.

Infertility makes you question everything you thought you knew - and even though I am grateful, oh so very grateful for this boy we'll be meeting soon, those feelings don't just go away.

No one walks alone.

But I need your help.

We would be so thankful for a donation to Team Rainbow Baby - every little bit helps - and so grateful for any tweets, facebook likes, or shares you can spare on social media.

And if you're at the Walk on June 6th, come find me - I'd love to meet you. You might be in celebration mode, or grieving, or still fighting your battle - but whatever the case...come as you are.

We will lift you up. We will help you find hope. We are sisters, and friends, and warriors.

And no one walks alone.

(Donate here to Team Rainbow Baby!)

Apr 6, 2015

38 weeks

This is my "I'm tired and would really like to have this baby" face.
How far along: 38 weeks, or eight and a half months pregnant. Holy woah!

How big is baby: Last week Lemon was the size of Swiss chard (so weird!) and is now the size of a leek.

Anxious about: My water randomly breaking. There are a lot of unknowns about birth and I get that, but I kind of feel like I should be carrying a bucket around with me, "just in case."

Anticipating: Having this baby! Oh my gosh I am so ready. At our appointment last week I wasn't dilated at all, but was measuring a week ahead and he's definitely started to drop - all good signs, but...let's go already!

Diets/cravings/aversions: The acid reflux has kicked up a notch, but still not with any rhyme or reason - things I think would give me trouble (like marinara sauce) are fine, and others that seem to be harmless can be rough (like applesauce). Still craving lots of fruits and veggies and I'm eating a lot - he's definitely growing!

Movement: Still mostly a night time baby; I walked with my mom a lot on Saturday and that night when I was finally still I swear he was having a dance party! I'm so glad Ben was home because even he was like "dude, what are you doing in there," because the movement was so crazy!

The belly: Large and in charge! Seriously...I can't imagine going another two weeks.

Miscellaneous: Nursery is done, carseat is installed, bags are packed and ready. My point? LET'S GO ALREADY! We've been waiting for so long I just want to meet this little guy!

Things that made me laugh/cry: I don't really have one of these for this week, but I've started really looking forward to my weekly doctor appointments. Last week they could tell he was head down, and I was measuring a week ahead - I'm hoping today to be told I'm effaced or dilated even if it's only a little; I need small signs from my body that things are slowly happening because (in case you couldn't tell), I have really started to hit my wall.

This past weekend I had some back pain that I thought might be the start of something, but it faded after awhile - again, I'm hoping that's a good sign that something is happening (even if it's not yet early labor), so fingers crossed for today!

Best moment of the week: Laughing with Ben about Lemon's movement - we can't wait to see how much he wiggles when he's here to see if it matches any of the movement I'm feeling now!

Apr 1, 2015

A room for Lemon

Happy April! It's officially the month of my due date - woo hoo! I thought it would be fun today to share pictures of the room we have for Lemonhead - he won't be sleeping there for awhile (he'll be in a bassinet/co-sleeper near our bed for the first few months), but we'll definitely be using it in other ways.

Let me just start this post by saying, I am not a craft-type person. Sure, I knit, but that's about where it ends. I don't enjoy DIY projects, or really even decorating things to an extent. So I was shocked when I enjoyed the whole process of pulling Lemon's room together.

We rent, so we didn't paint walls (these are the color they were when we moved in); we did use a decal, but otherwise it's just frames hung on the walls for decoration. Also, I am humbled at how little money we spent on his room, because we found such good deals on things, already had some furniture, and were gifted everything else. Maybe that's why I love this space so much - I can feel the love of the community around us, already supporting this little boy.

But enough talking, right? Below are pictures of the space - not in the best light (it was mid-afternoon when I took them), but I was tired, and wanted to pack the camera back up in the hospital bag - ha!

As you enter:
To the left when you walk in his room - changing table/dresser, nightstand, and glider. (There's also a diaper genie to the left of the changing table - my mom was very concerned she didn't see that in a picture I sent her, so I reassured her we had one and it would be put to good use!)
I've loved Sharon Montrose's work for years, so when a friend gifted us these baby animal prints I squealed in delight!
This might be my favorite corner - the glider was gifted to us, and I'm so excited to be sitting below this print from Read Between the Lines - it was one of the first things I saw months ago, and told myself if we got "far enough" in the pregnancy I'd let myself buy it for the baby.
The painting was also done for us by a friend - and I love that it's animals but still ties us together as a family.
I worked with a fabulous Etsy shop to create this custom decal for over Lemon's crib. This is the second verse of the lullaby I sing to him every night - it's from Mary Poppins and always makes me smile because it's all about reverse psychology. Never too early to do what needs to be done for sleep, am I right?
A lot of these picture frames still need to be filled, but the one on the top right is a digital frame, and I'm excited to be able to fit lots of photos on there! Also, this print is from a friend and makes me smile - both because yes, I believe our life is about to become chaotic like a circus, but also because it's a fun reminder of my 30th birthday party!
Not the best picture, but I wanted to show how blessed this baby is already with books! I'm determined to raise a reader!
Last little corner of the room - a hanging stand with a few more pictures on it. (There's also a basket below with stuffed animals but I couldn't fit it all in one frame).
(Also, I didn't show you the closet because, well it's pretty much just storage for bins of clothes and diapers, and that's not super interesting).

So there you have it! Lemon, your room is ready - you just have to get here so you can enjoy it!

Mar 30, 2015

37 weeks

Excuse the face - Ben was cracking me up while taking this picture!
How far along: 37 weeks! Not quite "full term" yet, but at this point if I went into labor it would no longer be considered pre-term so...yeah, pregnancy math is weird.

How big is baby: Last week, Lemon was the size of a head of romaine lettuce and this week he is the size of a bunch of Swiss chard. (Maybe the most random produce comparison yet!)

Anxious about: If my body is doing anything. I had some low pressure in my stomach on Friday, and some back aches - both of which eventually faded, but I'm hoping these are small signs that he's starting to get into position and that labor will happen sooner rather than later! (Fingers crossed this is  what I hear at my doctor's appointment later today!)

Anticipating: Labor! Okay, so maybe not labor itself, but rather the process because that means we will finally get to meet him! I'm getting more and more antsy because this isn't just like we've been waiting for almost nine months. By the time he gets here it will have been almost five years since Ben and I started trying to expand our family so to say I'm ready is a bit of an understatement. (Ben's all "babe, he'll come when he's ready," and I'm like, "I want that to be NOW!")

Diets/cravings/aversions: Nothing I'm really avoiding, but I do think I've had more acid reflux lately than normal. I'm wondering if this means he'll have a little bit of hair?

Movement: Lemon does these motions that I now refer to as "butt rolls." Because of where he was positioned at our last ultrasound, a lot of the movement I feel on my right side I now know is either a foot or his butt - I'm starting to be able to distinguish between the two. Every so often throughout the day I swear he just wiggles his butt and the movement it creates is so funny and feels weird, I told Ben it feels like he's rolling his butt all around - hence, butt rolls. It makes me laugh, every time.

The belly: Bigger and bigger and bigger - oh my! It's seriously laughable - I say the phrase "this is out of control," (referring to my stomach) at least once every couple of days.

Miscellaneous: Ready. Oh so ready. The nursery is done, the car seat is installed, the hospital bags are packed and in the car, and I have draft emails prepped to send to friends and family for when he's here. (I've got a draft blog post prepped too so as long as I can post it from our tablet at the hospital you'll be in the loop! But if you don't follow Love Everyday Life on Facebook you may want to do that now, just in case!)

My mom is on a work trip and doesn't get back until the end of the week, so Lemon is under strict instructions from Grandma to not be born until then - ha! However, in my head, that's when the eviction notice starts. I'll be just a few days shy of 38 weeks - I'm going to walk walk walk this baby out! (I know all you moms out there are laughing, thinking I have a say in when he's born - just let me dream, okay?)

Things that made me laugh/cry: We finished Lemon's room! We were pretty close, but had a last couple of things to do - so it's done and wonderful and I'll be sharing pictures later this week!

Best moment of the week: When I took our car seat to the fire department to get checked, the fire fighters inspecting it told me we did an excellent installation! I guess a lot of times people don't install them before they come to the fire department (so they can be shown how), and when they do they are rarely correct, much less done that well. Talk about flying high after that - I texted Ben (he was at work), and told him this counted as our first parenting win!

Oh my gosh, speaking of Ben - I know I've talked about how I can't wait to see him and Lemon together, but there was a moment this week when I thought my heart was going to burst with joy over the two of them! Ben came home from work one night and I was upstairs in bed, so I called out, "hi babe," when he came in. He replied, "hey baby," and I swear the second he started talking, Lemon starting kicking and going crazy! I love that he responds to our voices, but especially so much to Ben's - it makes me grin from ear to ear!

Mar 23, 2015

36 weeks

First off, thanks to all who entered the If You Find This Letter giveaway! The winner is Amber from A Little Pink in the Cornfields - send me an email to claim your prize! And everyone else, go buy this book! 
How far along: 36 weeks - eight months and seriously in the home stretch! I'm going to do updates weekly now because I feel like I could "go" at any time!

How big is baby: In the past two weeks Lemon went from the size of a cantaloupe, to a honeydew melon, and is now the size of a head of romaine lettuce. And according to my ultrasound this morning he already weighs 5 and 1/2 pounds!

Anxious about: How much longer I'm going to be pregnant. I'm telling myself I really only have to get through two more weeks (38 weeks is technically full-term), and I want him to be fully ready with good lungs and everything, but I'm so ready to just meet him already! I've started a countdown on our chalkboard in the kitchen - it feels good to actively do something each morning.
Anticipating: Going to the hospital! This sounds weird but it's kind of fun not knowing when I'm going to go into labor. As long as my water doesn't break while I'm sitting at my desk at work (ha!) I'm good. I'm up a lot in the middle of the night so I told Ben I wouldn't be surprised if we have Lemon at like 4 in the morning - we'll see!

Diet/Cravings/Aversions: Still highly susceptible to suggestions, even while watching Netflix, but otherwise just eating a lot these days.

Movement: Ohh, movement, how I love thee. Lemon is active during the day, but is most definitely a nighttime baby. Ben and I laugh as we're in bed because we'll see him moving and making parts of my stomach lopsided because of where he is!

The belly: Woah belly! I swear I get bigger every day! It's definitely hindering movement and making me more awkward, and sometimes just walking up a flight of stairs takes it out of me.

Miscellaneous: As excited as we're getting, I'm also pretty uncomfortable at this stage. Mid-day I feel hit by a truck tired, and nine times out of ten when I come home I just get in bed - not to sleep but just to rest for awhile. Also, if I sleep more then a couple hours at a time at night when I wake up, my bladder is so full it's physically painful to walk to the bathroom; I've been setting an alarm for an hour and a half after I go to sleep, and then waking myself up no more than every two hours afterwards. Most nights it works well but is also pretty exhausting.

Things that made me laugh/cry: Finishing the nursery. There's one thing left to do (maybe putting a decal on one of the walls), but otherwise Lemon's room is ready for him and I love being in there. We were gifted so much of what's there I feel such a sense of love and community, I feel like my heart simply might burst with joy! (Pictures coming soon!)

I also love seeing Ben interact with Lemon. Whenever I'm leaving he always tells my belly bye, and is constantly talking to my stomach - and Lemon responds! I think he likes the sound of Ben's voice because sometimes when Ben starts talking and is on the other side of the room he'll start kicking and moving around. I can't wait to see how they are with each other once he's here!

Best moment of the week: My 36-week appointment went well this morning, but the doctor wasn't sure if Lemon had turned yet or not (at this point he should be head down). Because he was in such a weird position when we last went in for monitoring, my doctor sent us to do an ultrasound this morning to confirm. He is head down (yay!) he's just up really high. The ultrasound tech was so nice - she explained everything we were seeing and even did some 4D pictures for us, which were incredible! The one below is him sucking on his fingers - it was the sweetest thing to watch him putting his hand in and out of his mouth throughout the appointment! (Also, those cheeks? Oh my goodness!)
Excuse the quality - I snapped a picture of the picture with my phone!
Also, I had a moment of pure joy this past weekend. My cousin and I did a little shopping in the morning, I came home and took a nap, and then when I got up to run an errand I was looking at myself in the mirror and simply marveling at this whole experience. Yes I'm uncomfortable and tired and really ready to not be pregnant anymore, but Lemon is moving and growing and sometimes it makes me downright giddy! I was thinking about how it's going to be when he's here and how everything I'm imagining is probably going to be completely different, yet better, and for the first time since I found out I was pregnant, I didn't caveat that thought with "well, if everything still goes all right." I think I'm finally finding the joy in this pregnancy and I'm so so grateful.