Nov 30, 2009

The inevitable question

Happy Monday! How was your weekend friends? I'd like to dedicate this post to the ridiculous-ness of inappropriate questions.

I think regardless of where you are in life there's a ridiculous inappropriate question - I'm going to share some of the ones I've heard.

When you're single: "So, when are you going to find someone?"
When you're dating: "When are you two going to get married?"
When you're engaged: "When's the wedding?" (A completely reasonable question except when it comes hours after the engagement).
When you're married: "When are you two going to have kids?"
If you have a child: "When are you going to have another one?"

Just reading these makes me want to beat my head up against a wall. I have talked and talked and talked to friends about this, but I have yet to come up with the answer to why people ask these questions.

The mister and I have been married for a couple years so we get the baby question a lot now. We've deflected it with everything from "oh, in a few years," to "not for awhile." Although on a particularly bad day I did answer that question with a "well we're not sure, but since you are critical to this process we'll be sure to consult you before making any decisions." (I have to admit thinking about the stunned expression on their face still makes me laugh).

Does that make me a horrible person? Because honestly, I don't feel bad about it. These types of questions can sometimes be well-intentioned (if it's a close personal friend or family member), but a lot of times I hear them asked by acquaintances or strangers and I want to scream, "it's none of your business!" Is it not okay to give a rude answer to a rude question? (Of course now I tend to just laugh and/or roll my eyes and walk away).

What about you readers? Do you feel the same way about these types of questions? Am I being ridiculous myself? Have you ever gotten anything like this? Any funny stories? Please share them in the comments!

Happy last day of November!

(Photo: Apartment 513)


Shaina said...

I totally agree with this!!! As soon as my husband and I got ENGAGED, we were being asked when we were going to have kids. ??? Seriously??? Really, I think that any baby questions are awkward. We would love to have a baby now but the timing isn't right...a single friend of mine just asked if I feel a lot of "pressure" from family to have kids right now. I wasn't sure how to answer that, seeing as how I actually WANT to have kids now! It was awkward.

Lucy The Valiant said...

No you are NOT horrible! I hate pregnant questions the most - as soon as I started showing, complete strangers would come up to me and ask me all manner of weird questions. And I ALWAYS wanted to be like, "what baby? What are you TALKING about?" and then burst into tears. Just to teach them the important lesson that you NEVER assume a woman is pregnant without being told directly!

Lisa from Lisa's Yarns said...

Yep - totally agree. Hate it when people ask when I am going to meet someone or better yet - 'so why are you still single?' Geez, I don't know.

I NEVER ask people when they are going to start a family. It's such a personal question and you never know if a couple is struggling w/ fertility problems or something like that. So it is a line of questions that I completely avoid...

Emily Ward said...

Becky - funny story (I think)

There is a married couple in my community here. They were together for seven years before getting married and have now been married for 7 and a half years and have no children yet. They are the anti-PDA. In three years I have never seen them kiss or hold hands. Sometimes they snuggle but that is it. Their family and friends at home give them hell and insist that they are just good friends. For example, "See you soon and give my love to that friend of yours" as opposed to saying "wife". On their anniversary they'll get emails that say, "congrats on your platonic marriage". They let it roll off of them but I'd probably have to have a serious talk with my family and friends if that were me.

Tara said...

Oh I'm with you on this one! My husband and I have been married for a little less than 4 months. When people I work with ask when we're going to have kids, it aggravates the heck out of me. And worse is when I answer something along the lines of "we want kids but not yet." and people either say "Oh that's smart." or "why not, you should have kids now." Uh I didn't realize I needed your approval for when we have kids. I could go on and on about this subject.

Amber said...

OMG, after beign together for almost five years me and Eric get the marriage question AND the baby question ALL THE TIME. Half the time the baby question is just for "fun" but seriously people, I am TWENTY-ONE years old. No babies anytime soon!

Stevie said...

It's nobody's business but your own! Those questions drive me crazy.

Gracie said...

I hear this ALL the time. We've been married over 2 years and the heat is getting intense :/

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