Jul 19, 2010

Deadline Pressure

Hi readers! I'm off spending time with family this week, and I have some fabulous guest bloggers lined up for you all. I asked them each to talk about traveling or family, or both!  My first guest blogger is a journalist, and when I told her I needed the post by a certain day she responded, "tell me again closer to the time frame, I work better under pressure." She's hilarious, she teases me about always saying "dear readers,"and she just so happens to be my Mom!

Family: Hmm, tell about how spunky Becky was when she was little. Like when she was 3 and her 5-year-old brother kicked her in the chest and outraged, she looked at him accusingly and said, "Jesus is in my heart and you could have killed him!"

Or how, when the little boy at the babysitter's threatened to punch her for telling on him when he tried to set the bush on fire, she looked him in the eye and told him, "If you punch me, I will kick you in the penis!"

Wait, maybe not a good idea in case this is a family blog...

Travel: Hmm, I could write about the adventures of being a teen Girl Scout advisor. I could mention the Indian whiskey salesmen that tried to pick up the girls on the Ellis Island Ferry. I could mention the girl that snuck out of the condo in Vermont to meet up with the young man who worked on the tubing hill. Wait, no, then someone might not let me be a Girl Scout advisor anymore.

Travel WITH family: Hmm, I could tell about how we used to sing to pass the time in the car with no radio. And how Becky could always carry the melody so I could sing harmony. How she was the only third grader I knew who could carry her own part in a round.

I could talk about the long trips in the Chevette and the Pinto with two car seats. Or the trip to Florida in the Yugo. Or the trip to Indiana in the Yugo, when the handle fell off the window. (The Croats will tell you the Yugo was a Serb plot).

I could talk about how gullible the kids were when we went to the beach and were tired of hearing them in the back seat, so we told them if they were quiet for 10 minutes straight, the rain would stop. It did, so that trick worked a few more times.

I could talk about how Jimmy (Becky's brother) used to sleepwalk, and poor Aunt Mary almost got used as a toilet when we were camping. Or about how specific we had to be with him: "Kids, when you have to pee, just pee in the ocean, there's lots of water." "Wait, Jimmy, I know we said to pee in the ocean, but that did not mean stand on the sand and pee into the ocean. You have to go INTO the water." "No, son, really, please don't stand in ankle-deep water and pee in the ocean!" But then again, that might embarrass him...

How about the trip to Pittsburgh to visit Aunt Jeanne - the time we went to the pool and Becky applied suntan lotion to my back? Except you could see, through the burn, her little handprints where she stopped applying lotion a little too soon.

I could give travel advice! I have learned a lot of lessons!

  • Don't leave your hotel or lodging without carrying your address with you, especially if you are in a country with a different alphabet and you cannot pronounce the street name.
  • Don't ask an African, "Are you a native of such-and-such country?" Native is a derogatory term that the colonizers used. Maybe a very nice African will warn you not to repeat the mistake. Maybe your friend's teenage brother will roll on the floor, convulsed with laughter, at your faux pas.
  • Don't climb the Great Wall of China in the winter, when there is ice on the steps, unless you are prepared to come down on your butt and forever refer to the pants with the holes in them as your "Great Wall of China Pants."
  • When it is 95 degrees in Bangkok in March, walk very slowly to avoid looking like a drenched rat. (When it is 102 degrees in Washington in July...)
  • Learn the term "sin hielo" (without ice) when traveling in Latin American countries. Don't believe it when the restuarant says they purify their ice. This leads to little dance steps like the Incan Two-Step or, in Mexico, Montezuma's Revenge.
  • In Mumbai, if you wash our your underwear and hang it to dry each day in your hotel bathroom, the housekeeping staff might leave you extra presents.

Good grief! I have already reached 750 words! This is about three times as long as Becky's blogs and I did not even fill each line with "dear readers." I better shut up, or I will never be asked to blog again!

Ha! Do you all now see where I get my sense of humor?  Do you have any crazy stories from when you were little? Or any travel lessons learned the hard way you'd like to share? Thanks for guest posting Mom!


Lisa from Lisa's Yarns said...

Oh fun, your mom is hilarious. I think the first story about Jesus being in your heart is my favorite. That is hilarious!

It was fun to hear more about you as a small child!

I don't have any earth shattering travel tips. Wear comfortable shoes... Always know where your passport is. If you are sort of scatter brained, give it to your responsible friend (I was the keeper of the passports whenever I traveled with my study abroad friends!)

Kyla Roma said...

LOL "Don't climb the Great Wall of China in the winter" I think this is the best travel advice I've ever received, that's not something I would have ever thought of until I got there I'm sure lol

Amber said...

Hahaha this was such a great post, your mom is hilarious. I LOVE the story about you getting kicked in the chest - that is funny (not the getting kicked in the chest part, but what you said).

Oh, and my friends/family have teased me about saying "dear readers" and "bloggies" and the like too!

Jess said...

Forget you, Becky. Can I hang out with your mom instead?

Diana Mieczan said...

Hahahahha...your mom is so funny...I loved this post:)
Kisses,sweetie and enjoy your holiday:)

Emily Jane said...

I love that your mum wrote for your blog!! What a fun post :) Have a great time!

Megan said...

I think Barb needs to start her own blog :)

Anonymous said...

@Megan -ha ha. yes indeed.
she'd take all your readers, tho. ;-)

The Many Thoughts of a Reader said...

hahah i love your mom. i can't stand when people say dear readers either.

Lisa said...

Love it! So funny! Your mom is awesome! <3

BFraze said...

When the journalism industry tanks, I will start a blog and you guys can all buy ads on it. Thanks for the feedback! P.S. Megan, you are dehydrated! :-)

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