Sep 14, 2010

Being Enough

Do you ever wonder if you're enough? I wondered that for the first time last night. Not about whether or not I was enough as a woman, or a wife, but rather, as a tutor.
P and I have met haphazardly since my last post about him, and now that we've settled into fall I'm determined to change that. I keep thinking about when we first started meeting - the energy and enthusiasm we both had. Honestly, neither of us has had that yet this summer and I was worried about whether we'd find it again - individually, so we can have it together.

We're meeting twice this week because we didn't meet during the month of August and last night he chose to start a memoir by Tony Dungy. (All of you football fans out there can gasp now because I had no idea who this guy is). P told me he was a football coach but he put a lot of focus on his relationship with God. It's what he wants to read, no problem.

But in the back of my mind I was still thinking about what I can do more of. P started reading the introduction and I was thinking, bring flash cards to re-start sight words, do a monthly check-in of the goals we've written down, I wonder what reading level he'd test at right now, ahh! he's struggling with a word - pay attention to what he's reading....

Then right there in the middle of the introduction was a quote that made me gasp.

"It's the journey that matters. Learning is more important than the test. Practice well, and the games will take care of themselves. Whether you're been kicked in the teeth or life just couldn't get any sweeter, it keeps rolling on...and then there's another game." (Quiet Strength: A Memoir)

I realized worrying about being enough wasn't going to do me any good if I wasn't present, right there, in that moment with P. Continuing to meet is helping. Learning is more important than the test. He continues to read even when he stumbles with a word. Practice well, and the games will take care of themselves. Regardless of what he and I are going through individually, we just keep going. Whether you're been kicked in the teeth or life just couldn't get any sweeter, it keeps rolling on...and then there's another game.

We read the introduction, and five pages of the first chapter last night - in about thirty five minutes. Two years ago it would have taken us that long to read two pages. And yes, I'm saying us. Because we're in this together. P and me. No matter how long it takes.

And that's enough.


(Photo: daisy chain)

10 comments:

Megan said...

Beautiful post. :)

Diana Mieczan said...

That is a very sweet post:)
I totally agree: journey that matters:)
Kisses

Lisa from Lisa's Yarns said...

You are definitely 'enough' my dear! You are doing a great job with P! Just think of how far he has come since you started working together.

Lately, I have felt a bit sheepish about the fact that I don't volunteer. At all. So after the marathon, I am going to look into becoming a Big Sister or something like that!

Kyla Roma said...

You are just kind of a rock star! I think that sometimes we can trick ourselves into thinking that if we do things just so, or control ourselves in one way or another that then suddenly things will come together and start working. And I think the reality is like in your book- you just have to refuse to give up and keep working on it. And it sounds like you and P are doing just that :)

Mandy said...

I think what you're doing with P is amazing. And while we so often wonder if its enough, realizing that it is, is a huge thing. Being present in the moment is so imortant, so often we tend to look ahead that we forget that we have nothing more than the present at that very moment.

Emily Jane said...

This was just beautiful. "I realized worrying about being enough wasn't going to do me any good if I wasn't present". Being present is so incredibly powerful and so often we get caught up in worrying about what could be, if we're doing alright, what other people are thinking, that we get so wrapped up in an inner monologue which usually ends up detracting from doing a good job in the moment! Having this kind of awareness and dedication is huge - you're doing a wonderful job!

Nora said...

This is beautiful; what you are doing for P is amazing and probably means more to him than you realize. Thanks for sharing that quote with us as well; definitely something that I need to be reminded of right now.

xoxox

Amber (Girl with the red hair) said...

I love what you're doing with P, it is truly amazing! I need to start volunteering and want to look into working with the elderly or with animals after my marathon is done!

S.I.F. said...

I love this Becky, and I love that you are there to help him... You are truly incredible!

Nicole said...

You are amazing. And being from Indiana, I know what a wonderful and inspiring man Tony Dungy is. I think this will be a great book for you two to read together.

Post a Comment

Say it. You know you want to.