Nov 9, 2010

Raw

When I think of this time a year ago that's the first word that comes to mind.

Today is the anniversary of Carol losing her battle with breast cancer. I wasn't super close with Carol in particular, but I knew and loved her and her family. And a year later, that's who I'm still thinking about. Her family have come a long way this year and while I won't presume to know what they've gone through, I know they have each other to lean on and a great community of love surrounding them.

The family asked me to sing at Carol's funeral, but there wasn't any accompaniment. (Just me and the microphone). I got through about three bars before my voice started trembling and I got choked up. My mom started singing the song (On Eagle's Wings) from the congregation and came up to stand with me at the pulpit, staying there singing until we were finished. I was so thankful she was there, and for the congregation who seemed to sing extra loudly during the refrain.

Later, I kept thinking of how bittersweet it was - my mom's presence is what got me through, and it's not fair that Carol's daughters no longer have that (physical) presence of their mom. I felt horrible that I botched the song - and I asked my mom why she thought I couldn't get through it. I mean, when we lost my (maternal) grandma I sang a whole Catholic mass for her funeral. I was sad then too, and younger, but I couldn't even get through one song for Carol. My mom replied, "Becky it was sad when grandma died but she was a lot older than Carol - and her children weren't young. This was different."

This was different. So I just wanted to take a moment to remember Carol. A woman who was always kind and friendly when I saw her (even though she knew my mom and sister better than she knew me). A woman with such a big heart that when my mom called her once from my apartment to see how her cancer treatment was going, Carol heard me coughing in the background and told me to take care of that cough and that she hoped I felt better. (I had bronchitis and she was dealing with chemo. Seriously).

I'm remembering you today, Carol - and sending lots of love to your family.

11 comments:

Diana Mieczan said...

That is such a beautiful post!
She will be in my thoughts today
Kisses, my dear

Brittany said...

Sending hugs your way today as you remember Carol and her family.

Nora said...

what a heartbreaking & beautiful post.

Lisa from Lisa's Yarns said...

Aw, what a sweet tribute to a special person in your life.

I think it sort of makes sense that you were a bit more emotional at this funeral - I am sure you were thinking, 'what if it was my mom?' I was very emotional at my grandparents funerals, but when someone w/ young daughters/children passes, it's even more emotional because it just doesn't seem 'fair'.

Stephany said...

Lovely tribute, Becky. I can't even imagine going to a funeral of someone who died so young.

When my grandma was going through chemo, she was the same way. Anytime my mom and I would go over, she was always so concerned for my well-being and making sure I was happy.

Amber (Girl with the red hair) said...

Lovely post, Becky. Sending you good thoughts and hugs. XO

I was MUCH sadder at my great-grandma's funeral (this past July) then I was at my great-grandpa's funeral (11 years ago). I wouldn't say I was any closer to my grandma, I was just older and understood more what death means and I could also see the impact it was having on my mom and grandma.

Kyla Roma said...

Such a sweet tribute- I can't believe you were able to sing, you're so strong! I'm thinking about you today, and sending love to everyone who knew her <3

Stevie said...

Sending happy thoughts to you and Carol's family. I've been in your shoes before and it's always hard to know what to say, but this is really a wonderful tribute to someone who sounds like a wonderful person.

Nicole said...

What a lovely post. Sending love and hugs to you and Carol's family.

Megan said...

Isn't it amazing when people can look beyond their pains just to make sure you're okay? Even when they're going through something so horrible, they take the time to hope for your well-being.

I'm glad you wrote this post. :)

Mandy said...

Beautiful post Becky.

When someone is taken too soon, its always so sad and much more emotional for me. As Lisa said, it doesn't seem "fair."

You are amazing for being able to sing during the service.

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