It amazes me to think I was afraid of her.
You see, I was nervous - even though I was nothing but excited for my friend throughout her pregnancy, I was nervous that I'd go to the hospital and be jealous. I knew I'd love this little girl no matter what, but there was a tiny part of me that was worried jealousy would hold me back from fully celebrating this moment with my friend and her husband.
Well, much like her baby shower, it was so much better than I expected. The day her c-section arrived I was on pins and needles, and checked my phone what seemed like every three minutes. When I got the text saying mom and baby were just fine I was so excited I almost cried.
And when I met that little girl? All I could do was hold her and smile. I was amazed at how soft she was, how light she was, yet how solid she felt. I must have touched her nose a hundred times, and breathed her in even more.
As for the rest, my friend and I just chatted like normal. We talked about the birth (I kept saying, no really, how was the epidural), she asked about my new job, and I marveled at how everything was the same, but yet so much better because this new baby was finally here - and how seamlessly she fit into our lives.
|Yes, that burrito from Chipotle IS almost as big as the baby!|
This baby gave me an epiphany. I've tried so hard to not let PCOS define me, but I think I've been approaching it wrong. We want to have children. Badly. Which means PCOS is part of our lives in an in-your-face kind of way.
So I'm going to start sharing more about that here - not just my big ups and downs but all the in-betweens as well. I'm going to talk about my experience working with a holistic health consultant, and tell you what is or isn't making a difference. This will definitely not be an all-baby-all-the-time blog, but I'm going to make it a little more front and center, since my health is something I'm dealing with on a day-to-day basis.
I read something the other day that said "bearing a child is not the only way to mother." Maybe that meant alternate ways to have a family, but I read it as I don't have to save up all my "nurturing" for some potential future baby.
I can be kinder to people. I can go the extra mile. I think of the type of person I want to be when I'm a mother...yet what's stopping me from being her...now?
Have you ever realized the obstacle stopping you from something was yourself? What did you do about it?