Let's Pretend This Never Happened

Let's Pretend This Never Happened: A Mostly True Memoir by Jenny Lawson

My rating: 5 stars

Overview from Goodreads: Jenny Lawson realized that the most mortifying moments of our lives—the ones we’d like to pretend never happened—are in fact the ones that define us. In the #1 New York Times bestseller, Let’s Pretend This Never Happened, Lawson takes readers on a hilarious journey recalling her bizarre upbringing in rural Texas, her devastatingly awkward high school years, and her relationship with her long-suffering husband, Victor. Chapters include: “Stanley the Magical, Talking Squirrel”; “A Series of Angry Post-It Notes to My Husband”; “My Vagina Is Fine. Thanks for Asking”; “And Then I Snuck a Dead Cuban Alligator on an Airplane.” Pictures with captions (no one would believe these things without proof) accompany the text.

Ohhh my gosh this book. I'm actually upset I don't have a better vocabulary because hilarious does not even touch it. This is a cover-your-mouth-but-still-shaking-with-laughter-in-public kind of book. How I've been unaware of Jenny Lawson (author of The Bloggess) until now is a mystery, but holy mother, she's funny. (And thank you Sarah for recommending it!)

Let me give you an example:

"I have pretty much no memory of Austin, but according to my mom we lived in a walk-up apartment near the military base and late at night I would stand up in my crib, open the curtains, and attempt to wave soldiers on the street up to my room. My father was one of those soldiers at the time, and when my mom told me this story as a teenager I pointed out that perhaps she should have appreciated my getting him off the streets like that. Instead she and my father just moved my crib away from the window, because they were concerned I was 'developing an aptitude for that kind of trade.' Apparently I was really distraught about this whole arrangement, because the very next week I shoved a broom into the living room furnace, set it on fire, and ran through the apartment screaming and swinging the flaming torch around my head. Allegedly. I have no memory of this at all, but if it did happen I suspect I was probably waving it around like some kinda awesomely patriotic, flaming baton. To hear my mother tell it, I was viciously brandishing it at her like she was Frankenstein's monster and I was several angry villagers. My mother refers to this as my first arson episode. I refer to it as a lesson in why rearranging someone else's furniture is dangerous to everyone. We've agreed to disagree on the wording." (pg 5)

That was from page FIVE you guys. I can't even.

There's a lot she talks about in this book - how her dad's taxidermy business creeps into her life in unexpected ways, meeting and sustaining friendships with other bloggers, hilarious conversations with her husband, but she touches on harder topics as well.

I loved this book - one night Ben was drawing while I was reading and I kept interrupting him to say, "babe you have to read this part."

Because really, why wouldn't I love someone who says this?

"Because you are defined not by life's imperfect moments, but by your reaction to them. Because there is joy in embracing - rather than running screaming from - the utter absurdity of life." (pg 308)

Have you read this book? Were you cracking up as much as I was? Don't you think she should write another one like...now?

Happy hump day!