Dec 19, 2012

From my heart to yours

I debated about whether or not to share this - it's been sitting as a draft for a week or so, and with everything going on lately I wasn't sure if the timing was right. But the holidays can be a hard time of year for people struggling with infertility and this is as much of a letter to myself as it is anyone else. If you know someone who is hurting right now I would love for you to share it with them.

Dear Friend,

I'm not sure who you are or where you are in your journey.

You might consider infertility a companion - not welcome, but accepted, hoping her visit will end soon. You may have suffered setbacks, or find yourself wading through a sea of acronyms and foreign terms. Your throat might tighten around the word "infertility," because you can't associate yourself with that yet.

Wherever you are, take a breath, pull up a chair, and let me share a few things with you.

There will be days you want to blame any and everyone you can think of, but try not to include yourself or your partner. It might seem easy, it might make you feel better for a moment, but once you go down that path it's hard to find your way back.

I'm not going to sugar coat this - it helps to find the humor, but infertility is a battle. It will sucker punch you when you least expect it, and just as you get your bearings, it will return to hammer your weaknesses until you think you can no longer take it.

But you can.

Only you know what infertility looks like for your body - maybe it's trouble conceiving, maybe it's waiting on an adoption list, or maybe it's dealing with hormones before a procedure. People will support you, and love you, and they will accidentally say things that will hurt. But the battle is different for everyone. Don't compare or think less of yourself because your journey is not the same as stories you've heard.

It's okay to really feel your emotions. You'll have days when you're hopeful and excited just as you'll have days full of despair. Let yourself experience it all.

The battle is different for everyone

It's okay to sob, and scream, and shout, because keeping it bottled up isn't helping anyone, least of all you. And when you're finished, call a friend, go for a run, dance it out, whatever you need to get you through that moment.

Build a support system - you and your partner cannot be everything for each other all the time - your support system will help pull you through when you think you can't go any further.

You can weather it. You can dig deep and find resilience you never dreamed you possessed. You will be stronger than you ever thought possible. You can find hope.

After all, you know what they call people who fight battles?

Warriors.

All my love,
Becky

9 comments:

Lisa from Lisa's Yarns said...

Well now you have me in tears! I think you should print this out and read it on days when you are struggling. I continue to think of and pray for you and Ben. My heart hurts for you guys as I know it is very hard to want something SO BADLY and not get it. :(

Nora said...

You gave me goosebumps with this letter. You know how I feel about all of this. Here for you and thinking of you and Ben often! xo

Suburban Sweetheart said...

<3 <3 <3

Nilsa @ SoMi Speaks said...

This is a compelling battle hymn if I ever heard one!

Alli said...

This made me cry! What a brilliant amazing and brave thing to share!

Emily said...

this is so beautiful. what a gift to us all. thank you.

Stephany said...

This is amazing, Becky. Love to you. <3

Amber said...

Beautifully written as always! XO

Becoming Mrs. Draino said...

WOW! I am pretty much speechless at this. I need to read back some more so I know what others are talking about. http://tadrainowife.blogspot.com/

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