I debated about whether or not to share this - it's been sitting as a draft for a week or so, and with everything going on lately I wasn't sure if the timing was right. But the holidays can be a hard time of year for people struggling with infertility and this is as much of a letter to myself as it is anyone else. If you know someone who is hurting right now I would love for you to share it with them.
I'm not sure who you are or where you are in your journey.
You might consider infertility a companion - not welcome, but accepted, hoping her visit will end soon. You may have suffered setbacks, or find yourself wading through a sea of acronyms and foreign terms. Your throat might tighten around the word "infertility," because you can't associate yourself with that yet.
Wherever you are, take a breath, pull up a chair, and let me share a few things with you.
There will be days you want to blame any and everyone you can think of, but try not to include yourself or your partner. It might seem easy, it might make you feel better for a moment, but once you go down that path it's hard to find your way back.
I'm not going to sugar coat this - it helps to find the humor, but infertility is a battle. It will sucker punch you when you least expect it, and just as you get your bearings, it will return to hammer your weaknesses until you think you can no longer take it.
But you can.
Only you know what infertility looks like for your body - maybe it's trouble conceiving, maybe it's waiting on an adoption list, or maybe it's dealing with hormones before a procedure. People will support you, and love you, and they will accidentally say things that will hurt. But the battle is different for everyone. Don't compare or think less of yourself because your journey is not the same as stories you've heard.
It's okay to really feel your emotions. You'll have days when you're hopeful and excited just as you'll have days full of despair. Let yourself experience it all.
The battle is different for everyone.
It's okay to sob, and scream, and shout, because keeping it bottled up isn't helping anyone, least of all you. And when you're finished, call a friend, go for a run, dance it out, whatever you need to get you through that moment.
Build a support system - you and
your partner cannot be everything for each other all the time - your support system will
help pull you through when you think you can't go any further.
You can weather it. You can dig deep and find resilience you never dreamed you possessed. You will be stronger than you ever thought possible. You can find hope.
After all, you know what they call people who fight battles?
All my love,