Dec 4, 2012

One year later

After an initial consultation that went way better than expected, and two months worth of testing, today Ben and I have our follow-up with the Reproductive Endocrinologist.

This week also marks a year since I was diagnosed with PCOS. I've come a long way since my soft diagnosis, and I want to take a moment to reflect on it. (Sorry for all the links, but I thought it would be good to have them all in one place!)

I've used a few analogies when talking about PCOS - like straddling a ledge, wondering which side of rock is going to give out first, or being in an ocean with no flotation device, trying to keep my head above water. I've chosen not to apologize for something that's out of my control, and while living in limbo is not something I would have chosen, it's also something to learn from.

I've successfully completed an eight-week sugar detox and for the first time saw my body physically rebel against PCOS symptoms. I've laughed at my diagnosis, and have been surprised by it - in good and weird ways. I've learned it's okay to be scared.

But what I've learned the most in this past year is how much I am surrounded by love. It's been reaffirmed that yes indeed, I married the right man. It's been reiterated how incredible my family is - through prayers, good thoughts, and sweet gestures they've sent me. My friends have been nothing short of amazing - laughing with me, crying with me, and even sending me beautiful jewelry as encouragement. (Even if no one has owned up to it yet!)
And you. My readers. My internet friends. You have been absolutely amazing. Listening to me, boosting my confidence when it gets low, and sending me countless articles, resources, and links, to read and learn more. So many times in the comments you thank me for being so open about this journey. Well thank you for helping that exist. Thank you for helping me create this space where I feel safe and can talk about all of this. Just...thank you.

This journey is far from over. But today at our appointment I hope to finally talk about the next step. So the biggest difference between now and this time last year?

Hope. 

I'll take it.

(Psst - don't forget to stop by the More Love Letters blog to see about today's 12 Days of Letter Writing request!)

5 comments:

Lisa from Lisa's Yarns said...

I think it is so brave and wonderful that you are holding onto hope. I know that sounds silly to say, but being hopeful = being brave in my opinion. I hope you get some answers today and that this is just the first step of many towards becoming a mom. I have hope for you guys, too, and am praying that 2013 brings some exciting news for you & Ben! Love you!

Annie said...

XO - keep me posted on today's appointment (if you want)!

Nora said...

Will be thinking of you today! xo

Nilsa @ SoMi Speaks said...

My family and my friends are currently going through a whole host of no good terribly rotten things. And I will echo your sentiment that even though no one deserves to go through no good terribly rotten things, it is a wonderful opportunity to be genuinely and deeply grateful for the loved ones in your life. Good luck today - may it be a step in the right direction.

Amber said...

I can't believe it's been a year. I agree with Lisa that having hope = being brave. Thinking of you! XO

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