I mentioned during my blogging break I had my first hard fertility day in awhile. I let myself embrace the emotions and a little while later something beautiful poured out of me. This is not me telling you I'm pregnant (I wish!), but rather something that came out in my writing - thanks for letting me share it with you.
Dear Future Baby,
I think about you a lot - maybe that's weird because technically you don't exist yet - but in my heart you do. I wonder if you will be a boy or a girl, if you will be by yourself or with a twin. I wonder if you will be as stubborn as me, or as mischievous as your father, (and if it's a combination of the two Lord help us all).
I dream of all the different ways to show you you're loved.
It's been a long road, this fertility journey, and I'm not sure the end is quite in sight. Yet even as I write that, I know there are people who have experienced more pain, and have struggled longer than we have. There will always be a way a situation could be worse but what I've learned (and something I hope to teach you), is to have empathy, but to not let that diminish your own experiences.
Oddly enough, I was thinking about you while listening to a Kelly Clarkson CD - the song has nothing to do with kids or pregnancy, but some of the lyrics really struck me.
Fearless, with cape in hand,
Conquer what I need to mend,
Little girls get so broken.
But I sit, so patiently, drenched in what you want me to be
I can't escape
I'm ready now, oh I'm ready now
Oh I'm ready now, come get me
Through with golden roads and perfect love...
How I burn, how I burn,
I was so patient, waiting for my turn...
There are times when I doubt myself.
There is definitely more growing and learning I need to do.
But without a doubt, I am ready to take on any challenges you bring.
I'm just waiting for you.
Come get me.
All my love,