Apr 17, 2013

Moving On

Columbine.

September 11th.

Virginia Tech.

Aurora.

Newtown.

Boston.

There's talk of light, and hope, and how good trumps evil. People grieve and are kinder to each other.

But at some point routines re-surface, and the stabbing hurt that's settled on our hearts fades to a dull ache. As they say, "life goes on."

I don't know how.

I was in high school when the Columbine shooting happened - in a high school. I was a freshman in college when 9/11 happened, and wasn't too far out of college when the 2007 shooting at Virginia Tech occurred - only miles from where I went to school.

As Ben and I are trying to start a family I grieved for Aurora - because a parent should always feel safe when their kids go to a movie. So many people I love are runners, and in Boston on Monday, when runners should feel triumphant at finishing a marathon, they were scared, and injured, and fearful. It's like I'm growing up with these tragedies and each one is harder for me to move through.

I want to curl up in a ball and sob until my body is empty of tears.

If the tears are gone, does that mean this tragedy will be too? Does it mean we can fix the lives that were shattered by these senseless acts?

No.

My tears don't re-assemble the pieces of the grieving parents of children who were in the wrong place at the wrong time. Tears don't heal the hearts of people in the smoke, wondering where their loved ones were, as they lay there bleeding.

My heart is breaking. Every minute I'm thinking of someone's pain and suffering and I don't know how to move through it. Sure I go through every day motions - go to work, write emails, check social media - but I feel removed from it all. It seems wrong to put it out of my mind - why should I when some people are still living it?

What do you do when you can't fix something and you know the words you're saying aren't going to change anything?

What do you do when you can see someone's pain - lurking as if beneath the surface of the ocean, any ripple of water bringing forth waves of hurt?

How do you cope?

How do you possibly move on?

7 comments:

BFraze said...

You cannot fix it. Some things are out of your control. However, you can have an impact on the circle around you, and sometimes that has a positive impact in ways you never even know. (And you do, so let go.)

Katelyn Himes said...

This was EXACTLY the precession to my class's topic of discussion today of terrorism and counter-terrorism. My professor said, "Our goal in this class is to take in what's going on in the world around us and analyze objectively. But after everything that's happened recently, we find that harder and harder to do."

I think something that stuck out to me was when my professor shook his head, stared at his feet and said, "You are all children growing into a world that is breaking."

Obviously, as a class studying geopolitics we agreed: the US as a world power is in a rapid decline and we are just now feeling the effects. But as a group of young adults just entering the rest of the world, we agreed, "this is not the world made or the one we want."

I think you'll see greatness soon.

Kelly (She Wears a Red Sox Cap) said...

I'm with you. But we have to move on, even the families who were directly affected will... it will take longer and they will never totally move on, but they will try.
I was in high school for Columbine and 9/11 and for everything else I've been teaching. It makes me sad that I know the drill at this point- we will have an emergency staff meeting, we will decide which grades we will talk to the kids directly and which grades we will wait until they bring it up... We are on vacation this week, but I think with this happening so close to home at least some of the kids will know about it. But I hope they don't. Not just because I don't want to have to explain something like this, but also because I truly want the kids to be blissfully unaware that something like this could happen... or has happened, more than once. Did this kind of thing happen when we were kids? I don't remember it... It definitely seems to be getting worse. I don't like that.

Amber said...

I honestly think there are some deep, societal things/issues going on. I'm not sure how to fix it but it's not going to happen overnight. It needs to start NOW though. I don't know exactly what that will look like though. I agree with Kelly, I do NOT remember these kinds of things happening when I was a kid, but maybe we were just oblivious to them?

Nilsa @ SoMi Speaks said...

When things like this happen in our society (all too often, as of late), I can't help but think parts of our society are broken. What we can do is try to help our society get better. Not just to heal from wounds of past. But, address the issues to prevent these things from happening in the future. Whether it's gun control, mental health or some other issue that touches every community, there are things we can do to help move on, so the next generation is a little less afflicted than this one.

Lisa from Lisa's Yarns said...

I wish I had an answer for this, but I don't... I think we have no choice but to move on, as hard as it is (and I can't imagine how hard it is for those who lost loved ones). We really live in a sad world and I don't know what can be done to fix it...

The Many Thoughts of a Reader said...

Empathy. Show it to others often. Our society lacks empathy and it's a great way to start.

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