And now it's real

Ben and I have decided to pursue the IUI and we are really excited for this next step! I want to share as much with you as I can, so I'll be doing what I'm calling "belated blogging." I'll write about experiences as I have them and then post about them a bit later, but I won't talk specific time frames. This allows me to really be in the moment, and then write about it and share it the best way I know how. Thanks so much for the support and understanding as I share! I can't wait to take you all with us on this journey! 

My medicine arrived today. I've been anticipating it, even using the tracking number to see where it was in the delivery process. Ben was at home today, signed for it, and then called me to let me know he was sending me a picture of it. (What can I say? He gets me).

He sent me the picture and I whispered, "holy shit."

I thought about not putting this online but...it makes an impression, doesn't it?

It looks so...official. (The word Ben used was "legit.")

All of a sudden it was real.

It was happening.

And it is terrifying.

It's more than taking medicine and going to doctor appointments. It's hopes and dreams, and the culmination of three years of trying to have a family.

I'm recognizing that it's a lot to go through if it doesn't work. There will be heartbreak and pain, and feelings I can't even fathom right now.

I'm recognizing it's a lot to go through if it does work. It'll mean a shift in thinking, and adjusting, because as thrilled as we will to be having a baby, we're used to being told no.

I sat for a few minutes, thinking about this next step, and alternately wondering if I was just overwhelmed or just needed to throw up. (And then I was laughing, wondering if this is what morning sickness would feel like).

I won't start medicine for awhile yet...but it's here. A reminder that there's hope and joy waiting for me.

A reminder of the next step - the excitement and anticipation to see what comes next.

Deep breath. 

It starts soon.