Sep 10, 2013

On being brave

I'm turning 30 soon (one week!) and at first I was musing about all the things I've learned in my 20s. There will be a post on that later I'm sure, but I was thinking about what I'll be bringing with me into my 30s, and something a friend said resonated with me. It was after the IUI, and as I was telling her about the medicine she looked at me and said, "you've had to become so brave with your body in the past year."

I started thinking about it and while I can readily see how I've had to become emotionally brave, it took me awhile to admit I've become physically brave as well.

But you know what? I have. And it didn't even start with infertility. I'm pretty sure it started with my teeth. It was about this time last year where I started the month and a half period where I got three root canals. Three root canals in a month and a half.

This was also the time when I started my baseline testing with our fertility doctors. We were told an IUI was our best bet of getting pregnant, we decided to take some time away from all the fertility madness, I got more work done on my teeth, and a month later I officially became a badass and got a tattoo.

We decided to try the IUI, and despite the "holy sh*t" moment of the medicine arriving, we carried on. I took pills that made me emotional. I went for blood draws and ultra sounds, and monitored how my body responded to every little thing.

I gave myself a shot. I let Ben give me another.

I tolerated cramps because I was told that was a good sign. I took medicine that made me exhausted. I visited the ER twice in four days for what turned out to be acid reflux (because of said medicine), and even managed to keep a sense of humor when during a CAT scan my IV came loose and dripped dye and blood ON MY HEAD.

I learned the IUI didn't work. I listened to my body and didn't push myself. I let myself heal (which I think was the hardest part of the whole process).

All of that? I did in a year.

So...being brave? Definitely something I'm bringing to my 30s.

4 comments:

Lisa from Lisa's Yarns said...

You have most definitely been oh so brave this year - about your body and the way you've chosen to handle things. I'm so proud of you and I think you should be proud of yourself, too. I am excited for you to turn 30. I think you are going to love your 30s. They obviously haven't been all sunshine and rainbows for me, but I feel much better equipped to deal with the challenges I faced than I did in my 20s. And the year after I turned 30 was pretty much my BEST YEAR EVER. I hope that is the case for you!

Nilsa S. said...

You are also bringing acceptance into your 30s. I think so much of our 20s is spent figuring out who we are and accepting that person, beauties, flaws, all of it. I feel like your writing lately has reflected how much you're accepting your life, challenges and all. It says a lot about you and it sets the stage for a fabulous decade!

Nora said...

heck yes you are brave. I think it's something that we could all stand to be more often. Love that we are venturing into our 30s in the same month =)

Dani said...

Hell yes you have! One of the dirtiest, rottenest tricks about fertility treatments is that you are never prepared for just how much havoc the drugs wreak on your body, especially for something supposed to simulate 'natural' conditions to conceive. It's an incredible and horrible thing to go through, let alone to find that it didn't pay off. You are definitely more strong and resilient than you ever thought you could be a year ago, I am sure of that.

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