Yesterday, I talked about the More Love Letters I Was Here Campaign. I wrote my letter last night. I sat down and just let the words pour out, and by the end I was swiping at my tears left and right. I was just going to mail in my letter - I wasn't planning on sharing it here - but something was calling me to do it. So if you know someone who might need this today? Please share.
You might thinking you're reading the wrong letter. But if you've ever experienced negative pregnancy tests, suffered alone silently while others around had children, or ached to hold your child in your arms, you came to the right place.
I have been there. I am still there. The days of being okay with how your life is, only to be punched in the gut by wondering what might never be.
I don't have a quote or a phrase that will make this go away. I wish I did. I can tell you the ache ebbs and flows - some days will be better than others.
Be okay with contradictions. Keep your chin up even as your tears fall. This is a battle and you are the fiercest, gentlest, most incredible warrior. Be brave and vulnerable. Listen to those who support you - let their love lift you up - and shake off those who don't.
You are not alone.
Fertility, or infertility is a taboo subject - I hope this changes one day. But don't be afraid of it. This might be a part of your life but you own it. You can make it into whatever you need it to be.
I wish I could sit with you right now my friend. I would hold your hand as you cry, or scream in anger with you.
Instead I leave this letter - know that it holds my heart for you. Know that you are incredible and strong, even when you think you are not. A warrior is not ashamed of their battle wounds. Wounds turn to scars, and scars?
Scars mean you have lived.
I am sending light and love - from the bottom of my heart - straight to yours.