Knowledge is power. Learning new things can change your perspective on how you see relationships, or even life in general.
There are things we knew going into our second IUI. We knew when I would have doctor's appointments. We knew what to expect from the medicine. We knew what it was like to not have it work, and we even had started to accept the idea of what our lives would look like when it didn't work a second time.
We did not know what it would feel like for the IUI to be successful. We learned the joy of hearing I was pregnant, and the accompanying reactions of family and some close friends. We discovered I could smell all the things, which also meant morning sickness was definitely not limited to just the morning. We soaked up the excitement of seeing our baby's heartbeat.
We experienced new depths of terror when I unexpectedly started bleeding, followed by swift relief after learning the baby was okay. We experienced a roller coaster of ups and downs after learning the baby's heartbeat was much slower than it should be, and that the growth was behind as well.
We learned what numb felt like when there was no longer a heartbeat and we went in for a d&c. Recently, we learned a few other things as well.
We did not learn the cause of this loss, and I doubt we'll ever really know. But we did learn the gender of our child.
We had a daughter.
It is with a heavy, but proud heart I tell you her name: