Jan 12, 2014

Five things I've learned in three days

1. Days are like dog years. Ben and I were talking the other night and I said "well yeah babe, it's only been two days since this all started," and he looked at me in shock and said, "that's it?!"It simultaneously feels real and surreal.

2. Everything is okay...until it's not. The depth of my grief frightens me. I am fine one minute, and sobbing the next. I know this is to be expected, and that it's probably going to get (much) worse before it gets better but I am exhausted.

3. We are together and separate. Ben and I are processing in our own ways and we talk to each other, but it's so...weird (for lack of a better word), to grieve so much individually and together. I am incredibly thankful for him.

4. Don't ask me about the future. I've only gotten this in nice roundabout ways, but we are so far from even thinking about thinking of the future. I've been warned people will have good intentions but will say things that probably hurt; I know enough people wanted this for us that even if it's an off-hand comment, it comes from a place of love so that doesn't bother me. But asking me what's next? I'm not responsible for my reaction.

5. If you have to go through a miscarriage, I wish everyone could have our doctors. The d&c went as well as can be expected, but everyone we met was incredibly compassionate, and it made it so much less horrible. The anesthesiologist made us laugh, and when we left our nurse gave us each a big hug. Good doctors make a world of difference.

We are so so thankful for the incredible community of family and friends that are surrounding us. We have people thinking of us, praying for us, feeding us, sending us cards and flowers, and checking in to see how we are doing. We can literally feel the love - thank you seems so ineffective, but know we mean it from the bottom of our hearts.


Lisa from Lisa's Yarns said...

I can see how the days have seemed extremely long for you as you have gone through so much, and it's more than what happened this week, it's the summation of all these years of frustration and disappointment... I am thinking of you guys and praying for you. At times like this, I wish it was possible to give people a list of things you are ok hearing because those well-intentioned comments that upset you really suck... even if the person saying them has the very best intentions.

I am glad you feel surrounded by love, though. xoxo

The Many Thoughts of a Reader said...

((())) I've been thinking of you all weekend. <3

Nilsa @ SoMi Speaks said...

Good doctors AND nurses really do make a world of difference. Those five weeks Gavin spent in the NICU were made so much better because of the fabulous nurses we had (we really only saw his doctors once a day for about 5 minutes, but the nurses were there the entire time). And the worst days in the NICU could be directly attributed to the one or two nurses we felt were providing sub-standard care (and made sure they NEVER were assigned to our son again).

I cannot fathom what you are going through. And I have probably made some off-handed, well-intended, but hurtful comments (totally unintentional - and I apologize if I did). I'm glad to see you're trying to separate intentions from what was actually said. Been thinking of you these past few days and hoping as your body heals, facing the days gets a bit easier, too.

Stephany said...

Thinking about you constantly, friend. <3 Praying and just glad you have Ben by your side to help you through this. And I'm also glad you have great doctors to take care of you. Hugs!

Katelin said...

thinking of you so much and sending so much love becky. xo

Amber said...

So so so many hugs and love to you and Ben. Can't even imagine what you are going through. Be kind to yourself!

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