Sometimes I'm overwhelmed by the sadness in the world. All the tragedy that happens and how so much of it is unexpected and unjust.
Sometimes I watch really bad movies (ahem, Fast and Furious 6), and just laugh, knowing how much money it made.
Sometimes I go to Target and let myself imagine as I walk past the baby clothes. I never go into the aisles, but rather skirt the perimeter, gently touching the onesies and the sundresses, noting what would have been perfect for an August baby. Tears glisten in my eyes and I smile sadly, as I force myself onto a less dangerous section.
Sometimes I have conversations with Ben about all the grownup things - houses, kids, jobs, and to compensate for being such an adult I then plant myself on the couch and watch Netflix for several hours.
Sometimes I meet a friend for dinner and the weather, the conversation, and the evening is simply lovely. That friend will take a picture and when I get home I'll be so happy looking at it I'll tear up a little.
The past few months there have been times where I haven't felt like myself, where I've been lost and didn't know which way was up, times where I've almost been outside of myself, looking for where I've gone. When I saw this photo my heart sighed, "Ahhh, there she is."