Jun 16, 2014

Two steps forward, three steps back

Dear Cece,

I miss you.

There have been a lot of losses and tragedy that I've seen lately, and somehow it makes me yearn for you even more.

We've endured our first Mother's and Father's Days without you. Here's hoping those are the worst because they definitely were doozies.

I remember who screamed when I blurted out, "I'm pregnant." I remember who cried, who laughed, who squealed, and who cussed.  (Trust me, your mom isn't the only one who uses colorful language when excited).

I don't know if I'll have that again. Regardless of whether or not I actually get pregnant again, I can't see being anything other than terrified what happened to you will happen again. I'm working through that, but I just don't know.

Your Dad and I are walking this weekend for you. We are looking forward to it - we've named our team after you, and we have some pretty awesome shirts if I do say so myself. It's called the Walk of Hope, and I'm clinging to that idea.

Hope.

I could use some right now.

Because I'm sure the people will be wonderful, and the stories will be touching, but in my heart I know I would change this in an instant if I could - so I was still pregnant with you, and meeting you in less then two months.

All the love I have,
Mom


8 comments:

Nora said...

so much love to you friend. (and goosebumps, after reading this.) I hope you for you and Ben every day. xoxoxoxo

The Many Thoughts of a Reader said...

((())) I hope your walk this weekend is full of hope for you. I have a group of online friends who are meeting up to participate.

Lisa from Lisa's Yarns said...

My heart goes out to you and Ben. I hope that Saturday is another step towards healing and that you feel surrounded by love as I know a lot of people will be thinking of you, Ben, and Cece. Love you so much!

Stephany said...

Hugs, friend. This is so difficult and I hate that you & Ben are going through this. You’re constantly on my heart, and I will be there with you guys in spirit on Saturday!

Nicole said...

All of my hugs, dearie

Amber said...

I will be thinking of you lots on Saturday and looking forward to our video chat later in the day so I can hear all about it. Lots of love to you my friend. XO

Katelin said...

Thinking of you so much friend xoxo

Erin said...

Will be thinking of you!! I cannot imagine how you feel. I hope you feel encouraged by knowing how many people love and care about you and your family!

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