Jul 9, 2014

Oh just everything

I seriously cannot handle anything more than blurbs right now. Maybe one day I will be cognizant enough to write a post with actual paragraphs, and topics that are thought out, but for now? Blurbs.

*Let's start with the good. We are moving! Locally, and not even far from where we are now, but you GUYS. This will be the first time in our married life that Ben and I will not live in a one-bedroom apartment. That's right, by the time we move we will have lived in a one-bedroom apartment for seven years. We are moving to the cutest little townhouse with (wait for it) three bedrooms. Three bedrooms! And stairs! I don't know what we're going to do with ourselves other than run around and play Marco/Polo to find each other.

*I'm still loving my new tank top. Between that and my favorite maxi dress, I'm pretty sure Ben thinks I don't have any other clothes.

*We are headed on a quick weekend trip soon to see some extended family (because moving isn't enough to take on in one month, we need to throw a road trip in there too), and I'm really looking forward to just relaxing and being in the moment.

*Holy mother of emotions. July and August are going to be rough. This time a year ago, Ben and I were getting ready for our first IUI - so full of hope and ready for joy. The beginning of August marks when we learned our first IUI didn't work, and then about a week later we hit my due date for Cece. Nora and I decided to call all these benchmarks "griefstones," and I am not looking forward to them.

*Today is actually six months since my d&c. It seems cruel that there are details about my pregnancy that are starting to fade, but I can remember everything about that day; the weather on the drive to the office, that names of the doctors and nurses, how I cried and told Ben I was scared but what I really meant was "I'm sad." Tomorrow is a month from my due date. I knew it would be harder as we got closer to that day, but I was doing so much better so when the emotions hit, they really hit

I came home tonight to a package from Kelly, and a note that read: "Dear Becky, I was going to send you a love letter this week but what more can I say than I haven't already said? Instead I'm sending you some books because they are always good distractions and you have sent me many books I've loved. I hope I can return the favor. I'm convinced that your 'story' is not over. Love you!"
I'd already been fighting back the tears today, but this just pushed me over the edge. I've said it before and I will say it again - God bless the blogging universe and the people it has brought into my life.

This post was a little all over the place (um, that's what blurbs are for, right?) but before I sign off, thank you. Thank you for reading, thank you for cheering Ben and me on, and thank you for being such an incredible support. Whether you've commented on every post or not at all, I appreciate all the love.


Lisa from Lisa's Yarns said...

First off, I think it's totally OK (and expected) to have seasons of our lives when all we can do is put blurbs out there. And I actually love posts like this because I hear so much about different areas of people's lives!

On a positive note, I am so so so glad you guys are moving and will have more space. That will be life and marriage changing I'm sure! :) I was thinking how huge it was going to be for Ben to have a place he can go to draw that isn't in the living room area!

I hate that you guys are hurting so much right now and that I am powerless to change that... But I love that you came home to a cool care package that brightened your day!!

Amber @ A Little Pink in the Cornfields said...

I am SO EXCITED for your move!! That will be such a great change for you and Ben! And, who knows, maybe I will have to drag Bill out to DC someday to see you guys! :)

Kelly (She Wears a Red Sox Cap) said...

I'm so so happy that you loved getting the books and I hope you love them both!

I can't even imagine how you have lived in a 1 bedroom for so long. Eric and I lived in one for ONE YEAR, that's it lol. For us, the 1 bedroom wasn't so much the issue as the 1 bathroom ha ha. We wake up at the same time in the morning so I used to do random yoga while I waited for him to get out of the shower. We now do not even share a bathroom at our house... and he may share with Max over me later ha ha.

Anonymous said...

I love this idea of 'griefstones'-- well, I don't love that Nora, you, and I are dealing with tough emotions this year, but that's a great term for describing all those tough days that happen in dealing with a huge loss. I hugely applaud and admire your openness in your infertility experience- I hate that you're going through it, but learning from your story and seeing the strength you have has given me perspective as well as I've struggled with my Dad's death. Thanks friend and sending good thoughts your way for the coming weeks that will surely be filled with all the feelings.

Anonymous said...

I want to punch something or shake something. I'm just so mad at the universe on your behalf. I love you and I'm here for you.

On a much more positive note, I cannot wait to hear about your new place!

jabawokies said...

Yay!!!! So happy for your move!!!

Nora said...

I hope you love The Rosie Project! It's such a fun book. I haven't read the Jojo Moyes book yet, but I hear great things. Can't wait to see you on Tuesday; hugs, laughter and tears, man, it's what we do. xoxoxox

Amber said...

I am sooooo happy for you guys about the townhouse. Three bedrooms?!?! What will you do with yourselves??? For about 6 months anyways, then you will fill them up with stuff. Remember how I told you Eric and I were in the exact same boat? Now three years later I feel like we're running out of room!! Oh perspective haha.

Sorry things have been rough lately. I'm glad there is so much support and love around you to lift you up and let you know you're not alone on the bad days. Lots of love! XO

Stephany said...

I'm so sorry you're in such a hard place right now. There's good (YAY MOVING!) but then there's just bad, bad, bad. I wish there was more I could do or say to make things better but ugh, there's not. :( I think acknowledging these feelings, letting them sit and be there and open you up is all you can do. Writing about your grief and being honest about how you're feeling is a good step in the process. You're in my thoughts, friend!

The Many Thoughts of a Reader said...

Yay for more space!!!!

Nicole said...

Three bedrooms! Yay!
And also, hugs, darling. Lots and lots of hugs.

Katelin said...

So I wrote a nice long comment and somehow it disappeared, or I'm an idiot and it's here and I don't see it. In any case, hurray for a bigger place! Moving into a two bedroom place definitely made our relationship better because the space alone was just more for us to spread out in. We could spend more time together but also have some time apart under the same roof.

Also, I have been thinking of you so much lately that I hope your time with family was just what your heart needed. Sending lots of love, glitter, hugs, unicorns and magic your way friend xo

Campbell Nana said...

I was married at 32 and immediately tried to get pregnant. When I was unable to conceive I had blood tests for fertility and was told that I had an FSH (follicle stimulating hormone) of 54 and would not be able to have children. Even though the doctors knew that I had been diagnosed with Hashimoto’s thyroiditis since age 25, no one bothered to check my thyroid levels. my TSH was measured at .001. My Synthroid dosage was lowered. a friend advise me to contact a spiritualist who help with fertility with his medicine, i collected his contact and explain my situation to him he prepared for me a herbal medicine which i took as describe by him. became pregnant very quickly, I had a successful pregnancy. I have my baby august 2017. to get pregnant at age 35 with my 2nd child in september 2019, thank you sir , this is his email contact if you require his help babaka.wolf@gmail.com or Facebook at priest.babaka

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