Aug 10, 2014

On the day you were due

"I carry your heart with me. I carry it in my heart." - e.e. cummings



Dear Cecelia,

Today is the day we might have brought you home.

There were times in the past nine months where I wanted to rush to this day, and times I dreaded its arrival.

People talk about feeling protective of their children - I get that now. I want you to be remembered - so I advocate, I walk, and I share our story. There was a time I was afraid I would forget you, but I know now how impossible that would be. You made me a mother, and a mother never forgets her child.

Now when I talk about you, my emotions aren't always bubbling to the surface as they once were. But you are always on my mind, and forever in my heart.

Your Dad and I didn't want today to be just a "regular" day, so we're going to do new things, spend time together, and most of all, honor you.

It's not about dreaming who you would have been, or what you might have looked like, but rather celebrating how you changed us. 
 
We have a bigger capacity for love now, and yes, we've also known more heartbreak, but if given a choice of carrying you for nine weeks with the same outcome, or not carrying you at all? 
 
I would choose you every time.

We love you Cece. You were a part of me. You are a part of me.

And I will never stop wanting you with us.

Absolutely all my love,
Mom

8 comments:

Kelly (She Wears a Red Sox Cap) said...

I'm sending you lots of hugs today. I wish I was sending you some absurdly sparkly pink girls outfit instead.

BFraze said...

Favorite line: "It's not about dreaming who you would have been, or what you might have looked like, but rather celebrating how you changed us."

Katelin said...

This is so beautiful Becky. Thinking of you both today. xoxo

Nora said...

Hugs and love. <3

Lisa from Lisa's Yarns said...

Oh this post just breaks my heart. It's so beautifully written but it just hurts my heart to know what you and Ben have been through. I know that you and your family and friends will never forget CeCe.

Amber said...

"But rather celebrating how you changed us." -- Love this, so much! I hope you had Ben had a special day celebrating together. I was thinking about you. XO

The Many Thoughts of a Reader said...

((())) Been thinking of you this week.

Nilsa @ SoMi Speaks said...

What a beautiful tribute, Becky. You and Ben are truly amazing. Finding beauty in tragedy takes such strength, but you've managed to do it.

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