On the day you were due

"I carry your heart with me. I carry it in my heart." - e.e. cummings

Dear Cecelia,

Today is the day we might have brought you home.

There were times in the past nine months where I wanted to rush to this day, and times I dreaded its arrival.

People talk about feeling protective of their children - I get that now. I want you to be remembered - so I advocate, I walk, and I share our story. There was a time I was afraid I would forget you, but I know now how impossible that would be. You made me a mother, and a mother never forgets her child.

Now when I talk about you, my emotions aren't always bubbling to the surface as they once were. But you are always on my mind, and forever in my heart.

Your Dad and I didn't want today to be just a "regular" day, so we're going to do new things, spend time together, and most of all, honor you.

It's not about dreaming who you would have been, or what you might have looked like, but rather celebrating how you changed us. 

 

We have a bigger capacity for love now, and yes, we've also known more heartbreak, but if given a choice of carrying you for nine weeks with the same outcome, or not carrying you at all? 

 

I would choose you every time.

We love you Cece. You were a part of me. You are a part of me.

And I will never stop wanting you with us.

Absolutely all my love,
Mom