When I was little, my family took a lot of road trips - vacations, visiting family, shuffling to and from soccer tournaments - so there was a decent amount of time spent in the car. I'd entertain myself, I'd fight with my siblings, but my favorite moment was near the end of a trip, when we were almost home.
Eyes closed, head against the window, not asleep in the sense where I couldn't hear my surroundings, but enough if someone asked me a question I'm not sure I could respond.
I'd feel the car start to slow down - I could tell we'd gone from highway to local roads - and the closer we got, the more still everything seemed to be. Most of the time it would be at night, and the quiet seemed to grow, slowly building. I felt happy and safe, and completely relaxed. When the car came to a stop, I'd hear the familiar sounds - slight noise of the brakes, the gearshift being adjusted, emergency brake engaged, and finally, the keys turning and the car was silent.
It was only a moment, I couldn't even tell you how long, but that moment between the car shutting off and movement in the car was almost precious.
That's what I want I want 2015 to be.
So much of this year was steeped in sadness and anxiety for me - wondering how, if, when - and I'm hoping next year will bring only joy.
I want to savor where I am.
I want to be in the moment and not let fear of the future, or ghosts from the past overwhelm my present.
This year has been big for me in a lot of ways. I've learned how strong I am. I've learned what I'm capable of. I've learned that life continues on, and sometimes you stand still, but eventually I keep going.
I'm ready to let go of the sad, but to keep the lessons it brought me.
I'm ready to embrace the good.
I wish you all a safe and happy new year.
Here's to 2015.