Apr 20, 2015
How big is baby: Lemon is now the size of a small pumpkin!
Anxious about: Um, pushing out a small pumpkin? Seriously kid, let's get this show on the road. (And um, could you not have your Dad's shoulders until you're out of the womb? I'd realllly appreciate it!)
Anticipating: Having our boy here. We are so ready!
Diets/cravings/aversions: Craving fruits and veggies, and the new frozen Snapple lemonades from Taco Bell. SO weird, right? But mmm, so good!
Movement: Still so fun! I've been working from home this past week which means I can sit on my pilates ball (so much more comfortable for my back), and I'm constantly moving which means he doesn't move quite as much as he does when I'm sitting in my desk chair. However, when I stop, he starts kicking like "um, excuse me? What do you think you're doing?"
The belly: Big and awkward and just hilariously ridiculous at this point. And because it's fun, a little side by side of my first bi-weekly post - 16 weeks (the size of an avocado), versus 40 (the size of a small pumpkin). Woah!
Miscellaneous: Last week at my appointment I was 70% effaced and 1 cm dilated, and let me tell you, it was a total attitude changer from the week before. This past week whenever my back has been hurting I'm like "okay, keep it up because I know this means you're doing things!" I was hoping to not keep my appointment this morning (because I'd be busy having a baby), but it's with one of my favorite doctors and as long as I'm further along than I was last week, all will be well. They will induce me a week from today (41 weeks), if Lemon hasn't made his appearance by then and I would really like to avoid that, so fingers crossed I'm sharing some "Lemon is here" news with you any day now.
Things that made me laugh/cry: Hearing my progress at the doctor's office last week. I've been betrayed by my infertile body for years, and I was at the point where if there wasn't any progress being made I was worried that meant my body really couldn't do this. When the doctor told me 70% effaced and 1 cm dilated I actually cried out, "I'm so excited!"
Best moment of the week: Finally believing my body can do this. I go back and forth because one minute I can't imagine being pregnant for another week - I'm tired and exhausted and at times get really anxious because I feel like it's a trick and we're not really going to get a baby at the end of this.
However, on some level I think I needed this full 40 weeks to trust that my body for the most part has done a great job housing this little one. On the way out of our appointment last week (flying high on the dilated/effaced news), Ben said, "you're doing such a great job growing him babe." It made me tear up, because while he's said things like that to me before I think this was the first time I truly believed him.
I thought back to all the negative pregnancy tests, all the shots, the doctor's visits, the ultrasounds, finding out I was pregnant with Cece, learning her heartbeat was slow, and then hearing it had stopped altogether. I thought back to all the onesies and books and gifts I've bought for others as they celebrate new life - I can still remember the gut-wrenching desperation, wondering if it would ever be me.
I thought back over the past nine months - a lot of which have been filled with anxiety, and I finally, finally, felt a sense of peace.
Yesterday was the start of this year's National Infertility Awareness Week, and again, as much as I'd already like to be holding our son in my arms, the beauty of our rainbow baby being due during this week is not lost on me.
My body is doing this.
It is really happening.
We are having a baby.