Sep 7, 2016

The summer of grit

I haven't written in this space for awhile. I could say it's because of lack of time, which is partially true, but it's not for lack of wanting, or thinking of it, I just...haven't.

I'm not sure what to do with this space right now, mostly because I don't know what to do with myself. It's been a challenging summer - feeling constantly slapped down by budgets and making ends meet, by pain (not mine), and exhaustion, and reshuffling this balancing act that is parenthood.

It's been joy and wonder and so much laughter watching Parks discover and learn new skills, and hesitation and heart ache when people casually ask, "so will you have another?"

It's Ben and me laughing together as we relay funny stories from our days, yet also feeling like passing ships because we work opposite schedules. It's knowing we love each other but being challenged to show it when we feel under appreciated, overworked, and exhausted.

It's clawing my way back to God, and faith, yet struggling to find a church that goes with this. It's knowing I need community but feeling protective and determined in my beliefs and not willing to bend on them.

It's been births and deaths and all the emotions in between. It's happy and sad and messy 
I am not my best self but I am taking steps to change that - and while that process is big and scary it's also comforting and exciting. I don't know how often I'll be blogging but I know it's going to be real. I want to push myself and my writing - after all, if I can fully express myself here then what's the point?

I'm not the biggest fan of summers to begin with, and I am more than ready to wash my hands of this one. We're on the other side now, barely, it seems, and hanging on by the skin of our teeth. But we made it.

I'm ready for fall - yes it's boots and scarves, and crisp, cool weather, and I love a good Pumpkin Spice Latte, but right now it's a reset button. 
It's a fresh start, a clean slate, a place for me to roll up my sleeves and get to work while I enjoy the beauty around me.

Join me, won't you? (And tell me about your summer!)


Lisa from Lisa's Yarns said...

As usual, this is so well-written. I am glad that you are going to find a way to come back to this space because I miss your posts!

My summer was hard, too, but for different reasons. It was full of physical therapy appointments and the feeling like I was hitting the wall over and over and over again in terms of my hip surgery recovery. And then it was capped off with an absolutely craptastic month of poor health in August. I am being pushed to my limits in terms of being patient with the road to full health (both in terms of my lungs and my ability to move my body the way I want to move it). There's been lots of good mixed in as I've loved living with Phil (and am so thankful for him) but it's been hard and I, too, am thankful for the reset button fall is providing. I'm ready for fall foods and clothes and weather.

StephTheBookworm said...

I'm sorry to hear your summer has been a hard one. I can relate to A LOT of what you said with budgets, and parenthood, and opposite schedules. My hubby works nights and I work days and it is a constant struggle.

I hope you have a wonderful fall.

Kate @ said...

Hi, friend. I'm so sorry to hear that things have been difficult, but I hope fall turns over a new leaf for you, pun only sort of intended. My summer was good but BUSY and HOT, & I'm ready for the slower pace of colder weather. Hope to see you around this space more, when you're feeling up to it. Sending you love & positive vibes.

Stephany said...

I am so happy to see a post from you and hope to see more in the future (so selfish, I am!). I'm sorry this summer has been a difficult one, but I'm sending prayers that fall is your reset button and it's a much better season for you. All of the hugs and love!

Amber said...

Thinking about you friend. All the love. xo

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