I haven't written in this space for awhile. I could say it's because of lack of time, which is partially true, but it's not for lack of wanting, or thinking of it, I just...haven't.
I'm not sure what to do with this space right now, mostly because I don't know what to do with myself. It's been a challenging summer - feeling constantly slapped down by budgets and making ends meet, by pain (not mine), and exhaustion, and reshuffling this balancing act that is parenthood.
It's been joy and wonder and so much laughter watching Parks discover and learn new skills, and hesitation and heart ache when people casually ask, "so will you have another?"
It's Ben and me laughing together as we relay funny stories from our days, yet also feeling like passing ships because we work opposite schedules. It's knowing we love each other but being challenged to show it when we feel under appreciated, overworked, and exhausted.
It's clawing my way back to God, and faith, yet struggling to find a church that goes with this. It's knowing I need community but feeling protective and determined in my beliefs and not willing to bend on them.
It's been births and deaths and all the emotions in between. It's happy and sad and messy and...life.
I am not my best self but I am taking steps to change that - and while that process is big and scary it's also comforting and exciting. I don't know how often I'll be blogging but I know it's going to be real. I want to push myself and my writing - after all, if I can fully express myself here then what's the point?
I'm not the biggest fan of summers to begin with, and I am more than ready to wash my hands of this one. We're on the other side now, barely, it seems, and hanging on by the skin of our teeth. But we made it.
I'm ready for fall - yes it's boots and scarves, and crisp, cool weather, and I love a good Pumpkin Spice Latte, but right now it's a reset button.
It's a fresh start, a clean slate, a place for me to roll up my sleeves and get to work while I enjoy the beauty around me.
Join me, won't you? (And tell me about your summer!)