Mar 2, 2017


I carefully stand up, shifting his head from the crook of my arm to rest on my shoulder. I pause for a moment, letting myself really feel the weight of his body, marveling at how much bigger he is now than this time last year. I turn my nose to his hair and inhale, breathing in the lingering Johnson and Johnson shampoo. 

I remember when he had no hair and smelled of only breast milk.

I find myself swaying a little - another throwback to his newborn days, when he preferred for us to always be moving.

I think of this journey we've been on for the past 22 months - how we've changed as a couple, how we've transformed into parents, how being a mother to a child on this Earth has shaped me. The changes have been different, but not always pleasant.

I'm proud that I've put this little boy first. I enjoy that sometimes I'm the only one that can understand him, or the only one that can fix it. I'm a little more confident now, and a little less nervous.

But it's time.

Time to remember how to be present in my marriage, and to be self-assured in taking time for me. Time to change a few ways of how we do things so we can feel like a couple, not just exhausted empty shells at the end of the day with nothing left over for each other, much less our selves.

Time to stop testing the waters of my faith and dive completely in. Time to follow through on movements of resistance and protest, and to keep our elected officials accountable for their actions.

I snuggle my baby (because he will always be my baby), a little closer as I try to mentally prepare for the transitions coming, even though I have yet to know what they'll look like.

Yesterday was Ash Wednesday - the first day of Lent - a time of reflection, of reconciliation, of preparation. I normally give something up, a sacrifice, but this year I'm trying to do - do good for others, for myself, for the two guys in my life that I love more than anything but can easily take for granted.

Last night at church I read a poem, (Changer, by Adrienne Trevathan), and the last lines of it stayed with me. 

Cover me.
Cover me with ashes.
Change me.

I kiss my son's head and whisper the words I say every night. "Good night Parker, Mommy and Daddy love you. Sleep well my baby."

I ease him into his crib, sh-sh-sh-ing as I cover him with a blanket, and collect the sippy cups from his nightstand.

Changes are coming. I'm not completely sure where to start, but I know it's time to begin.


Lisa from Lisa's Yarns said...

This is so beautifully written, Becky! I think that doing some extra things, especially things for yourself, is a great way to approach Lent! I gave up social media but am also adding in some things that will help me grow in my faith. I'm going to a faith book club, adding in daily prayer, and going to Stations of the Cross 3 times during Lent.

I can't even fathom how much having a child changes you as a person and changes other things in your life, like your marriage and relationship with others. I'm glad you are going to make some changes to get back to you, though, because self-care is so important. And hopefully as P gains more and more Independence, it will be somewhat easier to focus on you and other things you want to put your energy into. You are doing a great job, momma!!

Amber said...

Ahhh I missed your beautiful writing my friend. Think of you often <3

Emily said...

oh how i've missed reading your powerful words here! so glad you're back :)

Unknown said...

great blog.. thanks for sharing

Packers Movers Chennai said...

Packers and Movers Chennai Give Safe and Reliable ***Household Shifting Services in Chennai with Reasonable ###Packers and Movers Price Quotation. We Provide Household Shifting, Office Relocation, ✔✔✔Local and Domestic Transportation Services, Affordable and Reliable Shifting Service Charges @
Packers And Movers Chennai

Packers And Movers Pune said...

Packers and Movers Pune Provide High Quality ***Household Shifting, Home/Office Relocation, Insurance, Packing, Loading, ###Car Transportation Service Pune and High experiences, Top Rated, Safe and Reliable, Best and Secure Packers and Movers Pune Team List. Get ✔✔✔ Affordable Rate Charts and Compare Quotation and Save Money and Time .
Packers And Movers Pune

Packers And Movers Mumbai said...

Hire Best Packers And Movers Mumbai for hassle-free Household Shifting, ***Office Relocation, ###Car Transporation, Loading Unloading, packing Unpacking at affordable ✔✔✔ Price Quotation. Top Rated, Safe and Secure Service Providers who can help you with 24x7 and make sure a Untroubled Relocation Services at Cheapest/Lowest Rate
Packers And Movers Mumbai

SUNITA said...

Book Best and Verified packers and movers in Pune, Expert in Home Relocation within or outside Pune. Compare 3 quotes from nearby packers and movers in Pune. Get 100% safe & affordable packing moving from Professional Packers and Movers.

Packers and Movers Pune

Packers And Movers Bangalore said...

Packers And Movers Bangalore Local Household Shifting Service, Get Free Best Price Quotes Local Packers and Movers in Bangalore List , Compare Charges, Save Money And Time @ Packers And Movers in Bangalore

shaan said...

Packers and Movers Bangalore
Packers and Movers Hyderabad
Packers and Movers Chennai
Packers and movers Kerala
Packers and Movers Whitefield
Packers and Movers Koramanagala
packers and Movers malleswaram
Packers and Movers vijaya Nagar
Packers and Movers Rajaji Nagar
Packers and Movers Basaveshwaranagar

Asmah Awan said...

Most awesome pretty shot story. May you live with your family happily life ever.
Sandy recent posted
eid mubarak vector free

Emma William said...

It was an awesome feeling when i found out that i am pregnant, i could not believe myself, after trying for 5 years now, finally i have been able to be called a proud mother of my baby boy. my husband is glad too, by standing by my side all through the struggles of infertility with strong feeling we will achieve this together. i am giving this hint to couples who are struggling with infertility, your time as come as well, with the help of Dr Micheal Casper pregnancy prescription medicine, herbal remedy, which i myself use to get pregnant with few weeks of using it as directed by the doctor. you can also have a child to call your own. this is the doctor contact

Packer Movers Mart said...

Packers and Movers in Kanpur Dehat
Packers and Movers in Kannauj
Packers and Movers in Kalol
Packers and Movers in Junagadh

Rajan Mhatre said...

This is a great article thanks for sharing this informative information. I will visit your blog regularly for some latest post.
Customised Face Masks to protect against COVID-19.

Patti Murin said...

“So I’m someone’s mom!” Welcoming our first child, Cecily Philips Donnell, at 12:24 p.m. on Tuesday, July 14. We are absolutely head over heels in love with Cecily, and parenthood is already the most insane and beautiful thing in existence, It's made me excited to have a little spitfire of a daughter of my own. I remembered when i found out i was pregnant 3years ago and was about to walk away from the musical. But at eight weeks, i had a miscarriage. i was so unhappy, until i seek help spiritually from a Dr Iya the herbal practitioner, who helps and guide me to get pregnant again, even at the trying times few weeks in April when i battled symptoms of the coronavirus including "a cough that makes it feel like my head is splitting open from the inside out, but luckily, the baby was okay with the doctors help. i am happy to finally be a mother, couples out there that needs help, trying to conceive a baby, contact my doctor on , you will definitely have a baby to make you a parent.

krishan kumar said...

Bangalore Packing Tips said...

Nice. Here I have found one informative article about house shifting and how movers help you in this job. They have explained the entire process step by step manner and you can also find some tips about hiring of reliable moving services. Check it out. Thank you.


bbc bangla News said...

We are well established IT and outsourcing firm working in the market since 2013. We are providing training to the people ,
like- Web Design , Graphics Design , SEO, CPA Marketing & YouTube Marketing.Call us Now whatsapp: +(88) 01537587949
:Freelancing training in India
Free bangla sex video:careful
good post outsourcing institute in bangladesh

Selectmytutor said...

hello!! Very interesting discussion glad that I came across such informative post. Keep up the good work friend. Glad to be part of your net community.
Online Tutoring Jobs UK

Aadhya said...

Thanks for sharing the informative article. Get moving and packing facility within the city or outside the city with 100% trusted Professional Packers and Movers, Compare Charges of Movers and Packers, Household Shifting Services at
Packers and Movers Bangalore
Packers and Movers Hyderabad
Packers and Movers Pune

Looking For Dissertation Help? said...

Our main goals are: provide you with brilliant papers which contain no plagiarism on time, write the papers that will help reach all your achievements

prismleadindia said...

The Best Packers And Movers Bangalore Along With Trusted Partners For Your Packing, Changing And Relocation Services: Packers and Movers Services at Bangalore helps relocate from Bangalore, Inside Town, Interstate, National and Worldwide destinations. Absolutely anxiety and Hassle-free Shifting Services at Bangalore.

Packers and movers in bangalore, Best Shifting services in bangalore
laptop repair near me
Packers And Movers Electronic City

Post a Comment

Say it. You know you want to.